If you grew up believing you were a bad person who somehow deserved criticism, harsh treatment, or abuse, that belief was based on lies you were taught, not truth about who you are.
Children naturally trust their parents and assume that how they’re treated reflects their worth. When your caregivers treated you harshly, your developing mind concluded that you must have deserved it somehow. This made sense to a child’s logic; if the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally were hurting you, there must be something wrong with you.
But the reality is completely different. Their behavior was entirely due to their own choices, emotional dysfunction, and inability to take responsibility for their own problems. You believed you deserved that treatment because that’s what you were taught, directly or indirectly, but this belief was never based on truth.
You were never “too much” or “not enough.” You were never the problem in your family. You were a child who deserved love, protection, and kindness; not blame, criticism, or the burden of feeling responsible for adult behavior and emotions.
The cruel, unfair things they said about you became part of how you saw yourself, but they were never accurate reflections of who you were. They were projections from people who couldn’t face their own problems and failures.
There was nothing you could have done to save yourself or prevent what happened. You were facing adult problems that were never yours to solve, with a child’s limited understanding and resources.
Accepting this truth can feel overwhelming. Part of you might resist it because blaming yourself has felt safer than acknowledging how powerless you truly were. But recognizing that the criticism and harsh treatment had nothing to do with your worth can be incredibly freeing.
You deserved love and protection then, just as you deserve love and respect now. The lies they told you about yourself were never true. You were worthy of kindness from the very beginning, and you still are.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
