If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to romantic partners, friends, or even jobs that treat you the same way your parents did, you’re not alone.
What you’re experiencing is one of the strangest psychological phenomena we encounter in healing from childhood abuse or distressing upbringing. It’s called “repetition compulsion.”
Your mind plays this trick on you, often without you being aware of it. It can perpetuate past traumas in your life unless you actively address them.
Repetition compulsion stems from a deep-seated desire to better understand or control your past experiences. This wish makes you unknowingly recreate situations that mirror your past traumas. If your parents were cold, uncaring, and hostile, you often find yourself drawn to romantic partners who behave in exactly the same way toward you.
Even if you eventually recognize the unhappiness and decide to leave the relationship, you may unknowingly find yourself entering a new relationship with someone who has the same traits.
This isn’t your fault. It’s not weakness or poor judgment.
The reason you fall into this cycle is because of a deep, subconscious need to change the story of your past. By repeating familiar situations, you hope to take back control and change the outcome of your past traumas. You repeat them to make things right. Sadly, this often just leads to a cycle of pain and distress.
Recognition is the first step toward breaking free from this cycle. When you can spot the pattern, you can begin to make different choices. You can choose unfamiliar but healthier dynamics instead of gravitating toward what feels normal, but is harmful.
Healing means learning to be attracted to kindness even when it feels foreign. It means choosing partners and friends who treat you better than you were treated as a child, even if that treatment feels uncomfortable at first.
You deserve relationships that help you heal, not repeat old patterns of pain.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
