If you were ever told “you made this happen,” “you made me do this,” or “it’s your fault,” you need to know these were lies designed to protect your abuser from taking responsibility for their actions.
Adults blame children because they cannot or will not take responsibility for their own behavior. When parents lost their temper and hurt you, they were entirely at fault. They could not control themselves, so they pretended that something normal you did – something all children do – caused their rage.
But it was their rage, their inability to manage their emotions, their choice to hurt rather than protect. You were targets for their anger, not causes of it. No child can “make” an adult abuse them. No child “causes” their own mistreatment.
This blame-shifting serves a specific purpose: it allows the adult to avoid facing the reality of their actions while making you carry the burden of shame and guilt that rightfully belongs to them.
You may have spent years believing you were somehow responsible, analyzing your childhood behavior, wondering what you could have done differently. But there was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened. You were facing adult problems with a child’s limited understanding and resources.
The guilt and shame you’ve carried belongs to the people who hurt you, not to you. You deserved love, protection, and safety; not blame, criticism, or the burden of feeling responsible for adult behavior that was never within your control.
If you’re struggling to accept this truth, that’s completely understandable. Many of us have spent years believing we were somehow at fault. But recognizing that this blame was a lie – not truth – can be the beginning of freeing yourself from guilt that was never yours to carry.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
