If you were ever told “I won’t love you if you misbehave” or felt like love was something you had to earn through good behavior, please know that this wasn’t love at all; it was manipulation and control.
Anyone who has ever watched a nature documentary will have seen how animals will fight to the death to protect their babies. Even animals understand what some humans don’t: that love for your children should be fierce, protective, and unconditional.
Love is not some sort of transaction. It is not a commodity to be traded in exchange for children behaving in a way that their parents want them to. Real love doesn’t get withdrawn when behavior doesn’t meet expectations. Real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions.
Emotionally immature parents do not understand that their love for their children should be unconditional. When a parent said “I won’t love you if…,” it had nothing to do with love; they were using your natural need for love and acceptance as a tool to control your behavior.
Those words had nothing to do with love. They were about parental manipulation and control. You weren’t “too much” or “not enough” to deserve unconditional love. You weren’t somehow defective or unlovable. You were a child who deserved the kind of love that animals naturally give their babies – fierce, protective, and constant.
The fact that you didn’t receive unconditional love says nothing about your worth and everything about their emotional limitations. You deserved better then, and you deserve genuine love and acceptance now; not because of what you do or how you behave, but simply because you exist.
If you’re still struggling with feeling worthy of love without conditions, that makes complete sense given what you were taught. But you can begin to offer yourself the unconditional acceptance you always deserved.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
