If setting boundaries feels lonely or makes your relationships seem less rewarding, you are not doing anything wrong. This reaction is normal and expected. Relationships can feel different when you set clear limits. They may seem less rewarding at first because they are no longer built on what you give. You may miss the approval…
If your need to keep others happy is having a negative impact on your wellbeing, you can begin to change that pattern. There are steps you can try to lessen its impact. This doesn’t mean dramatic overnight changes. Small, consistent shifts can make a real difference. Try gentle no’s. Instead of always agreeing to every…
If you don’t know how to be kind to yourself, or if you speak to yourself in ways you’d never speak to a friend, there’s a simple but powerful technique that can help. The most effective way to develop self-compassion is to treat yourself the same way you would behave toward a valued friend who…
If you were taught that self-compassion equals weakness, leads to laziness, or that you need to be tough on yourself to stay motivated, you learned harmful myths that need to be challenged. Many trauma survivors learned that self-compassion equals weakness and leads to a lack of motivation. These were harmful myths designed to maintain control…
If self-compassion feels impossible, wrong, or selfish – or if you are far harsher on yourself than you ever would be with someone you love – there is a reason. Many of us were shown very little compassion as children. When parents are emotionally immature, their own needs come first. Comfort and care are not…
If you’re still carrying the pain of childhood shame and waiting for someone to rescue you from it, there’s something important to recognize: as an adult, you now have the power to become your own rescuer. This might feel overwhelming or even impossible right now, especially if shame has been a constant companion for years….
Shame is not something we are born with. It is something put onto us. As children, many of us absorbed shame that came from parents or caregivers who could not face their own failings. Instead of taking responsibility, they projected their guilt and blame onto us. We carried that weight because we had no choice….
If you’re struggling with change right now and everything feels more difficult rather than easier, this message is for you. One of the most misunderstood aspects of personal growth is that initially, everything feels wrong. When we start doing things differently – setting boundaries, speaking up for ourselves, changing old patterns – we often feel…
One of the most confusing aspects of the healing journey is discovering that often, things feel worse before they feel better. If you’re experiencing this, please know that you’re not doing anything wrong. When we start making changes in our lives – whether that’s setting boundaries, starting therapy, or changing old patterns – there’s often…
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