One of the most confusing aspects of healing from a difficult childhood is learning to grieve something that never actually existed – the loving, supportive parent–child relationship we deserved but never had.
You might find yourself feeling deeply sad about the parent who couldn’t see you, support you, or love you the way you needed. Mourning the childhood that should have been filled with safety, encouragement, and unconditional love. Grieving the relationship you’ll never have as an adult with someone who could, and should have been a source of wisdom and support.
This type of grief can feel strange because you’re not mourning the loss of something you had. You’re grieving what never was. But this grief is absolutely real and deserves acknowledgment.
When you recognize that your parents couldn’t provide what you needed, you may find yourself mourning multiple losses: the relationship you didn’t have as a child, the relationship you’ll never have as an adult, and even the loss of hope that things could somehow be different.
It’s completely normal to feel sad about these losses. You deserved better. You deserved parents who could truly see you, celebrate you, and provide the emotional safety every child needs. You deserved to grow up feeling valued and secure.
Your feelings about what should have been, but wasn’t, are valid and important. This grief doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past. It means you’re honoring the truth of what you experienced and what you deserved.
Processing this grief takes time, and that’s okay. There’s no timeline for working through these feelings. Be gentle with yourself as you acknowledge these losses and give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up.
You’re not alone in this experience. Many of us understand this particular type of grief, and your healing journey, whatever it looks like, is valid and worthwhile.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
