If you don’t know how to be kind to yourself, or if you speak to yourself in ways you’d never speak to a friend, there’s a simple but powerful technique that can help.
The most effective way to develop self-compassion is to treat yourself the same way you would behave toward a valued friend who needs support. This technique works because most of us already know how to be compassionate, we just haven’t learned to direct that compassion toward ourselves.
You already know how to be compassionate. When friends struggle, you offer understanding, patience, and kindness. You don’t criticize them or tell them they’re weak for having difficulties. You don’t focus on their failures or mistakes. Instead, you see their pain and want to help.
You can offer yourself that same compassion. Start by noticing how you speak to yourself compared to how you speak to people you care about. Most of us are much harsher with ourselves than we would ever be with a friend.
When you catch yourself being self-critical, ask: “What would I say to a good friend who was going through this?” Then try to offer yourself those same words of understanding and support.
With practice, you can unlearn the negative lessons from your past and replace them with self-compassion and kindness, creating a healthier relationship with yourself and others. This isn’t about lowering your standards or avoiding responsibility; it means treating yourself with the basic kindness that every human being deserves.
We can unlearn the negative lessons from our past and replace them with self-compassion and kindness. You don’t need to repeat the abuse that your parents inflicted on you; you can be a supportive friend to yourself.
Self-compassion may take time and practice, especially if you weren’t shown compassion in your early years, but you deserve this healing. You are worthy of the same kindness you show others. Your healing journey deserves the support of your own compassion.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
