One of the most confusing aspects of the healing journey is discovering that often, things feel worse before they feel better. If you’re experiencing this, please know that you’re not doing anything wrong.
When we start making changes in our lives – whether that’s setting boundaries, starting therapy, or changing old patterns – there’s often an initial period where everything feels difficult and uncomfortable. We might feel less confident rather than more confident, more anxious rather than calmer.
This phenomenon happens in many areas of life. When we start a fitness program, we notice how unfit we are and feel self-conscious. When learning a new language, we make countless mistakes and feel embarrassed. This discomfort isn’t evidence we’re failing – it’s evidence we’re learning something new.
The same is true for your healing journey. When you start doing things differently, your brain is essentially learning new patterns. The old familiar ways, even if they were harmful, felt “normal” because they were known. The new healthy patterns feel strange and uncomfortable at first because they’re unfamiliar.
This temporary discomfort often causes people to give up right when they’re on the verge of breakthrough. They interpret feeling worse as evidence they’re moving backward, when actually they’re in the normal first stage of moving forward.
If you’re in this stage right now, please be gentle with yourself. You’re not broken, and you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing the brave, difficult work of real change, and that takes enormous courage.
Continue your healing journey with Toxic by Jackie Poet a compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of childhood trauma.
